Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.
That's it baby, when you got it, flaunt it.
Presidents don't do it to their wives. They do it to their country.
I only direct in self-defense.
Humor keeps the elderly rolling along, singing a song. When you laugh, its an involuntary explosion of the lungs. The lungs need to replenish themselves with oxygen. So you laugh, you breathe, the blood runs, and everything is circulating. If you dont laugh, youll die.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said
Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.
I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively.
I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.
Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.
The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.