I installed a skylight in my apartment.. The people who live above me are furious!
Stephen Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
car play window
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
relationships wonderful girl clothes
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
words word dictionary
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, Well, what do you need?
canada
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it
existential written map
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
numbers writing book
people live
I spilled spot remover on my dog; now he's gone.
funny humor
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
funny paraphrased
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
comedy comedian plagiarism
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