Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four.
humorous skinny
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
funny humor insult humorous vampire stupidity
Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.
funny humor fun humorous insanity
You're about as delicate as an AK-47.
humorous sarcasm
?I have panicked unnecessarily in all four corners of the globe.
travel anxiety humorous
It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.
life inspirational humorous
Seaweed brain
humorous
Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
Okay, boys. Pestilence's grating voice rang out. Kill the human and the mutt, and let's get this Apocalypse started!
Damn, Marcus, how much have you been working out? You have the ass of a god. He turned to face her, and naturally her gaze fell to his jewels. She shook her head and sighed. You warriors are so fucking hung and I really do need a man.
I'm sorry, but you just can't fit fabulous into a backpack.
I need some kind of.. Like.. Last minute, poorly-set-up deus ex machina!
Speaking of tongues, they are the main reason I'm a nervous wreck. Ryan is a senior and well, sadly, I'm not all that experienced with boys. I mean, I'm a freshman and have been to dances with boys my age and even have gone out with boys, but I've never really kissed them. Not like I hope to kiss Ryan anyway. Bobby Robinson did shove his tongue into my mouth one time, when we were kissing under the bleachers at a football game, but it didn't feel so good. I'm pretty sure he didn't have it exactly right. So I talked to my friends, Katie and Lisa, about how to properly make out. But, well, here is just a bit of their unhelpful advice. Just let him take the lead, do what ever he does. Um, couldn't that get me into a lot of trouble?Just sort of kiss his tongue, but try not to drool. Don't open your mouth too wide. And then, just open your mouth wide. See?Stupid, conflicting information. And this from girls who supposedly know how to do this!I feel like I'm an undercover CIA agent trying to wrestle vital information out of a ruthless double agent, and the fate of the free world depends upon it. All the while, the President is yelling at me in a panic, saying, Somebody! Anybody! Just get me the truth!
You can't beat me. I have the mind of a warlock with adonis DNA. Winning!
You know, there are several gay men on the faculty. Professor Montag makes jelly beans look colorless(..)
gender-stereotypes gay humorous homosexuality
Pink is supposed to weaken your enemies, make them go soft on you, which must be why it's used for baby girls. It's a wonder the military hasn't got on to this.
Once upon a time, there was a little creature that was rather small and rather wicked and it lived all alone in the woods. The little creature lived in a little den, at the bottom of a little ravine, filled with not-at-all little brambles and on the edge of a forest that could only be described as really freakin' huge.
Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.
funny humor philisophical humorous comical
I guess he believes if a lie is big enough and repeated often enough, it will be believed.
political humorous
Once I got home, though, and saw several packages on my front porch, all the crap from the day disappeared. A few had smiley faces on them. Squealing, I grabbed the boxes. Books were inside-- new release books I'd preordered weeks ago.
But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.
funny humor cake humorous laziness retirement
I'm more of a dog person. But I admire cats and their ability to take so much while giving so little.
I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience.
Oh hell. They've got Mrs B in a bag!
A cupcake temple?' Her chest still tight with anxiety, Bertie forced herself to imagine it: bricks of pound cake mortared with buttercream and chocolate ganache, torches like striped birthday candles set into the walls, pilgrims upon the Path of Delectable Righteousness delivering daily tributes of almond paste and raspberry filling....
Showing 476 to 500 of 522 results
You must log in to post a comment.
There are no comments yet.