You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
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Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.
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The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
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In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
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Me fail english? Thats unpossible.
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The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half as powerful as the Vulcan Groin Kick, but it's more politically correct
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We are no longer the knights who say ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!
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Tis but a scratch'<br/>'A scratch! Your arm's off!'<br/>'No, it isn't.
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
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Have you been to The Land of Happy,<br/>Where everyone's happy all day,<br/>Where they joke and they sing<br/>Of the happiest things,<br/>And everything's jolly and gay?<br/>There's no one unhappy in Happy, There's laughter and smiles galore.<br/>I have been to The Land of Happy - <br/>What a bore!
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A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
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A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.
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I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.
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I like men who have a future and women who have a past
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What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
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Mediocrity is self-inflicted. Genius is self-bestowed.
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A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.
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Set your course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship
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A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
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As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards.
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Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.
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The best things in life are free.
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The heart is the only broken instrument that works.
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
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