Spanish was weird that way: two words for monkeys, and meant both wives and handcuffs. That said a lot.
humorous
I stamped, certified, and lipsticked my life in a package sent through Priority Mail directly to the devil herself.. And there's no turning back.
How hard can it be to find a girl and an elephant for Christ's sake?
I have a theory about pink pastry boxes. So much joy comes from those boxes. When someone walks into a room with a pink pastry box, joy immediately fills the room. World peace? Three words. Pink pastry box. I get a big cup of coffee and finalize my plans for world domination.
If only, I thought, I could talk to Eugene just one more time. This was before I came to understand that you cannot make someone fall in love with you But here's what you can do. By arguing and pleading and screaming and crying and throwing plates and phoning a lot and bringing hot food and sending flowers and buying gifts and doing unsolicited favors and remembering a birthday and being nice and declaring your abiding love and trying hard or sometimes merely by being present, you can make someone who was hitherto lukewarm really detest you.
If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary, somewhere between 'shit' and 'syphilis'.
Hat head is a sad affliction wherein the chosen hat and the selected hairstyle are grossly incompatible. The unfortunate combination results in a condition that can be hidden only with the application of another hat.
There is something called the rapture of the deep, and it refers to what happens when a deep-sea diver spends too much time at the bottom of the ocean and can't tell which way is up. When he surfaces, he's liable to have a condition called the bends, where the body can't adapt to the oxygen levels in the atmosphere. All of this happens to me when I surface from a great book.
reading-books humorous
Plans are invitation to disappointment.
funny humor plans humorous spontaneity
You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?
rights funny humor humorous
Elsa's joke Where do baby apes sleep? In apricots!
There is, after all, no pleasure like that given by a woman who really wants to see you.
insightful humorous poignant
Wow, says Peter, when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.
funny humor humorous humorous-quotations
Where's the pleasure in bein' the winner if the loser ain't alive to know they've lost?
inspire winning humorous losing
They can afford to smile because they all have teeth so dazzling if they dropped them in the snow they'd be lost forever.
It had better be. It doesn't do much when it's soft.
No one could honestly say that a musical makes sense.
humorous film
Shut up, Arthur,' said my mother, and he zipped his mouth shut like an infuriating child. Ginger started to laugh. Not at anything in particular, but just because Ginger was stoned.
You'll call me a damned Jew, a Christ murderer, a secret worshipper of pigs and a kidnapper of christian children.' This was all said cheerfully. 'How absurd! Who would want to kidnap children, Christian or otherwise? Vile things. The only mercy of children is that they grow up, as my son has but then, tragically, they beget more children. We do not learn life's lessons.
I've admired a lot of people in my life time and some of them were actually alive.
She batted thoseeyelashes at me so hard I thought I felt a breeze.
Try again. No no no, eyes up, eyes up! When you bow to someone you look at them, not at the floor. Don't look at her in the eye though lad, that's rude. And not THERE, either.
While like most men, Sam prided himself on being equipped with a supernatural internal compass that kept him from ever being lost, he'd also learned to concede those rare times when that compass seemed to be temporary disrepair.
A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money.
fame money humorous
Himmlisch ist's wenn ich bezwungen Meine irdische Begier; Aber doch wenn's nich gelungen Hatt' ich auch recht huebsch Plaisir!Loosely translated: It is heavenly, when I overcomeMy earthly desiresBut nevertheless, when I'm not successful, It can also be quite pleasurable.
sexuality humorous
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