If the ties that bind ever do come looseIf forever ever ends for youIf that ring gets a little too tightYou might as well read me my last rights.
relationships music-lyrics humorous
I took your name when I took those vowsI meant 'em back then and I mean 'em right now.
I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple.
religion humorous
I'm infatuated with you, I cannot deny it. Physically speaking, you're a very attractive man. But I don't like you, the vast majority of the time. So far as I can gather, you behave abominably in public and are only marginally better in private. I only find you remotely tolerable when you're kissing me.
romance humorous
Just tell him to keep his hands to himself and his python in his pants.
romance humorous science-fiction-romance
Listen. Just because we got a mutual hankering, doesn't mean we have to act on it. Aside from the hankering, there isn't much about you that I like. So far, you've been a pain in the behind. And I might as well tell you, I've followed through on one hankering and getting shot was more of an enjoyable experience. I didn't like it.
romance humorous historical-romance
I know that not all my readers like my digressions, but the research that has been done on Caenorhabditis elegans is such a ringing triumph of science that you aren't going to stop me.
science humorous
That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.
strength life manga humorous sarcasm
The joke was that President Bush only declared war when Starbucks was hit. You can mess with the U.N. All you want, but when you start interfering with the right to get caffeinated, someone has to pay.
funny humor war humorous america president coffee american bush
Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.
funny humor life wisdom death internet death-and-dying television humorous humorous-quotations
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
women revenge humorous vanity
As soon as a friendship passed a certain point - some obscure and secret boundary - a woman quite automatically became overwhelmed by a raging compulsion to complicate things.
women humorous
If we loved Steve Aylett, really loved him in the way that he deserves, a selfless love that genuinely wanted nothing save his happiness and comfort, we'd lobotomise him.
writers humorous
She decided that if Lucas was gay then she was going to have to get a sex change operation. He would be so worth it.
gay young-adult humorous
It's easy to remember, because dating rhymes with mating, and they're almost the same [..] So your mom thinks we're ma-- Uh, dating?
fantasy young-adult humorous ya
..I do have to wonder what sort of childhood the Grimm brothers endured. They are not a merry bunch of storytellers, what with their children roasted by witches, maidens poisoned by old crones, and whatnot.
young-adult humorous
Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.
funny humor animals humorous
The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.
funny humor animals humorous birds
But beauty, real beauty, ends where an intellectual expression begins. Intellect is in itself a mode of exaggeration, and destroys the harmony of any face. The moment one sits down to think, one becomes all nose, or all forehead, or something horrid. Look at the successful men in any of the learned professions. How perfectly hideous they are! Except, of course, in the Church. But then in the Church they don't think.
beauty humorous
I suspect he's sweet on Sophie and doesn't like to see her work too hard.'Tessa was glad to hear it. She'd felt awful about her reaction to Sophie's scar, and the thought that Sophie had a male admirer - and a handsome one like that- eased her conscience slightly. 'Perhaps he's in love with Agatha', she said.'I hope not. I intend to marry Agatha myself. She may be a thousand years old, but she makes an incomparable jam tart. Beauty fades, but cooking is eternal.
beauty humorous will-herondale tessa-gray clockwork-angel
There are times when I am so unlike myself that I might be taken for someone else of an entirely opposite character.
change self personality personal-development humorous flexibility
It is a curious fact that small boys are more terrified of their babysitters than small girls are. In part, this is because small girls and babysitters, who are usually slightly larger girls, belong to the same species, and therefore understand each other. Small boys, on the other hand, do not understand girls, and therefore being looked after by one is a little like a hamster being looked after by a shark. If you are a small boy, it may be some consolation to you to know that even large boys do not understand girls, and girls, by and large, do not understand boys. This makes adult life very interesting.
children humorous
If a child shows himself to be incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind.
Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.
funny humor comedy humorous entertainment
Today I feel like I did tomorrow.
funny humor comedy humorous humorous-quotes
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