If by some bizarre chance there turns out to be a god [..], I'm willing to bet he's an atheist too.
atheism god religion twitter
Good books make you ask questions. Bad readers want everything answered.
books questions read twitter
I realise people exist who don't read. But it's like I knew there were people who didn't breathe or eat: I can't imagine a life like that.
books life read twitter
OK, publishing a book and releasing a movie is all very well, but Tottenham beating Man. U. 3-2.. Priceless.
association-football books film joseph-anton manchester-united-fc midnight-s-children sport tottenham-hotspur-fc twitter
Like many people, I feel like celebrating. Remember this feeling. It is human, and can help us understand when others express bloodlust.
barack-obama death osama-bin-laden twitter
Tip to all British tabloids: Do Not Hack Amy Winehouse's Phone. I repeat: Do Not Hack Amy Winehouse's Phone.
amy-winehouse britain death journalism news-international-phone-hacking phone-hacking tabloid-journalism twitter
Dear Teens at Starbucks wearing 'Abstain from Sex 2 Attain Ur Goals' t-shirts: Doesn't it depend on what my goals are?
abstinence funny humor teens twitter
My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.
bill-clinton funny government-shutdown humour newt-gingrich politics twitter united-states
NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ
climate-change-denial funny global-warming humour law north-carolina politics right-wing-politics twitter
Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
email funny hacking humour mitt-romney twitter
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
alcohol beer cannabis funny humour non-alcoholic-beverages non-penetrative-sex science sex substance-intoxication twitter
After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
funny google humour hypochondria twitter
A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?
ageing fear funny humour phobias twitter
Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
backstories film funny humour sequels twitter
If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants!
funny humour pants twitter wishes
