If by some bizarre chance there turns out to be a god [...], I'm willing to bet he's an atheist too.
atheism god religion twitter
Good books make you ask questions. Bad readers want everything answered.
books questions read twitter
I realise people exist who don't read. But it's like I knew there were people who didn't breathe or eat: I can't imagine a life like that.
books read tso-life twitter
OK, publishing a book and releasing a movie is all very well, but Tottenham beating Man. U. 3-2... priceless.
association-football books film joseph-anton manchester-united-fc midnight-s-children sport tottenham-hotspur-fc twitter
Like many people, I feel like celebrating. Remember this feeling. It is human, and can help us understand when others express bloodlust.
barack-obama death osama-bin-laden twitter
Tip to all British tabloids: Do Not Hack Amy Winehouse's Phone. I repeat: Do Not Hack Amy Winehouse's Phone.
amy-winehouse britain death journalism news-international-phone-hacking phone-hacking tabloid-journalism twitter
Dear Teens at Starbucks wearing 'Abstain from Sex 2 Attain Ur Goals' t-shirts: Doesn't it depend on what my goals are?
abstinence humor teens tso-funny twitter
My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.
bill-clinton government-shutdown humour newt-gingrich politics tso-funny twitter united-states
NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ
climate-change-denial global-warming humour law north-carolina politics right-wing-politics tso-funny twitter
Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
email hacking humour mitt-romney tso-funny twitter
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
alcohol beer cannabis humour non-alcoholic-beverages non-penetrative-sex science sex substance-intoxication tso-funny twitter
After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
google humour hypochondria tso-funny twitter
A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
ageing fear humour phobias tso-funny twitter
Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
backstories film humour sequels tso-funny twitter
If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
humour pants tso-funny twitter wishes
