My trash can got stolen five times. Finally the owner just let me have it.?
Jarod Kintz
persistence commitment gift stealing give thief steal thievery
The flag was waving in the wind. Now whether it was waving hello or goodbye, I do not know.?
flag wind goodbye hello wave
Back in high school, I started a gang called The Illiterates. To easily identify fellow gang members, we all wore letterman jackets.?
high-school
I love teamwork. I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win.?
idea help inspire helping winning win winner team teamwork
Inappropriate interview question #13: Can I call you Kitten Tits?
questions interview
I wanted to study graphic design, because I wanted to work in an office with designer desks, ergonomic chairs, pool tables, and walls so colorful it looks like a flock of flamingoes exploded and splattered evenly from floor to ceiling.
job
Death is coming but hopefully not before old age, decrepitude, and senility.?
funny humor life age death body old-age
I have as much style as a turnstile. Thrust your hips into me.?
style
Some people talk nonstop and manage to say nothing at all. Other people are more efficient and manage to say nothing at all simply by saying nothing.
talking
Today likes to happen before tonight. Impatient, I guess.?
today impatience
When Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow meet, only Today gets to shake hands twice. That makes Today twice as important as the other two. But it also means that Today must be careful, because who knows whether Yesterday or Tomorrow washed their hands after going to the bathroom.
today tomorrow yesterday
Sometimes the thing that brings us together also pulls us apart. Sort of like a zipper.?
unity together
Agatha had a face like an avocado, and a voice like guacamole. I know because I eat lime scented (and flavored) tortilla chips all the time (except at 4: 44).
funny humor voice
When I wear my wedding ring I think of her. I also think of my wife.
funny humor wife
Showing 856 to 869 of 869 results
You must log in to post a comment.
There are no comments yet.