We all must die, but only I put the must in mustard. Sadly, the only man alive who understands what I mean is dead. RIP Mitch Ketchup.
Jarod Kintz
funny man death random dead alive die bizarre
I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.
funny humor life children random kids funny-quotes humorous-quotations absurd strange witty-quotes
I have alchemised my love for Agatha, and turned it into gold, which is the embodiment of Orafoura. I am the Elixir of Love--hot, cold, dry, and moist, I am the quintessential element: Jell-O. Agatha makes me yummy like John Wayne rides horse radish.
funny random
We made up, and I knew just how to do that. I told her, I feel like dancing. Let me grab my dancing shoes and stick-on mustache (better to tickle your vagina with). And she replied, My vagina already has its own mustache.
A blanket could be drenched in water, frozen, and then enjoyed like a giant cotton popsicle by prisoners of a gulag, who might consider this a tasty treat compared to what they normally eat.?
funny humor random unexpected wild weird surreal strange bizarre brick-and-blanket
A blanket and a brick could be put in a ring and paid to fight. Compared to MMA, it would be boring. But compared to boxing, it would be downright thrilling.?
A blanket could be used as a duvet, in the fight against elitism.?
A brick could be affixed to each end of an axle, for an example of transportation in a pre-wheel society.?
A brick could be surgically inserted in the chest of a man who needs a heart transplant. And for just 0,000 more dollars, that brick could be replaced with a new heart.?
A brick is a rust-colored blur of movement, caught in a moment, and transformed from motion into a physical object. Studying this brick would give scientists an insight into how fast I run.?
I introduced myself thus: My name is Moscow Moonlove. My friends call me Moss, Cow, Moo, Moon, or Tigerpants.
A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness?
A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.?
A brick could be used as the perfect response in one particular situation. Next time someone says, I love you, say nothing. Just grab a brick, cradle it with both hands like a kitten, and hold it out to the other person. Whether you want the other person to leave, or whether you want them to stay, the response works flawlessly every time.?
A brick could be fired out of a cannon, in an attempt to bring down a brick wall, just as index fingers could be severed and flicked at politicians, to try to correctly redirect blame.?
funny humor random unexpected wild weird surreal strange brick-and-blanket-iq-test brick-and-blanket-responses brick-and-blanket-test brick-and-blanket-uses bizarre
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