I've decided I don't like books that end with 'The End'. The fact that there are no more pages, suggests to me that the book has ended.
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I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.
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I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.
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If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.
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Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.
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Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.
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I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife.
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We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers.
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Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world.
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Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime.'Die, bastards.'She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die.
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Yes! Yes! There's the attitude. Where was that girl during the race? Off getting sushi?
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My mother, my psychiatrist and an assortment of sedatives eventually convinced me I was delusional.
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Webster said, ''Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do.
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Intelligent life on other planets? I'm not even sure there is on earth!
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Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.
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