What are answering machines for if not to break up woth someone who bores you?
Cynthia Heimel
When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
doubt foolishness earth creative fool acting hell idiot thin
Never judge someone by who he's in love with judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.
people friends fall judge cool love
Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets.
man men things airplanes
All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.
men ruin insecure silly frogs
You know what we can be like: See a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says I'd like you to meet Cecil, we shout, You're late again with the child support!
time cute kids support child affair married brains guy
Reading is an escape, an education, a delving into the brain of another human being on such an intimate level that every nuance of thought, every snapping of synapse, every slippery desire of the author is laid open before you like, well, a book.
reading human thought education author desire book brain open escape
We have no faith in ourselves. I have never met a woman who, deep down in her core, really believes she has great legs. And if she suspects that she might have great legs, then she's convinced that she has a shrill voice and no neck.
faith voice deep woman great legs
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net.
man woman fish
break machines
We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous.. Trivial things take up all your time and dull your senses, whereas frivolity is meaningful, profound, worth living and dying for.. If we devote our lives to frivolity, the world will be a far, far better place. Humanity will be better able to fulfill its primary goal, that of having a good time.
funny fun inspirational
Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.
funny humour
Prune these alleged friends ruthlessly from your life. You need all the positive reinforcement you can get. You need friends who think you're fabulous, an angel in human shape, and a breath of springtime.
friends
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