Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? Idon't get it..
funny humor press
I bought my brother some giftwrap for Christmas. I took it tothe Gift Wrap Department and told them to wrap it, but in adifferent print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
funny humor gift christmas stop brother print
I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, It's free with purchase. I asked her if anyonebought anything today.
funny humor today small free
I went down the street to the 24hour grocery. When I gotthere, the guy was locking the front door. I said, Hey, thesign says you're open 24 hours. He said, Yes, but not in arow.
funny humor door open guy
I went to a 711 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. Theclerk said, tenfour.
funny humor box
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anythingspecifically.
funny humor
One time I went to a drivein in a taxi cab. The movie cost me$95.
funny humor time movie
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings.. Boy With Pail.. Kitten On Fire.
funny humor art fire boy paintings
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep iton all the beaches of the world.. Perhaps you've seen it.
funny humor world
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
funny humor world small paint
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
funny humor smile picture window head
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
funny humor road cross sign
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
funny humor eat animal
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
funny humor naked homeless
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
funny humor wings fly walk
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
funny humor age situation kill personalities
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
funny humor weird
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
funny humor hear
I like to skate on the other side of the ice.
funny humor ice side
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
funny humor expression machine sister piano
Spending an evening on the World Wide Web is much like sitting down to a dinner of Cheetos, two hours later your fingers are yellow and you're no longer hungry, but you haven't been nourished.
funny internet world hungry dinner evening
There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling and technicians. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with technicians.
women funny ruins technology ruin gambling roads
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack that life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
funny life scientists scientist
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