I have three kids, one of each.
funny humor kids
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
funny humor age night
Why her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
funny humor door bad leave cooking kitchen
My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alkaseltzer.
funny humor wife dog worst
My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion.
funny humor wife worst
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
funny humor pray wife eat house worst
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
funny humor dark wife worst
Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks
funny fortune humor inside
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
funny humor time christmas wait
Boy were we poor, if I wasn't born a boy I would of had nothing to play with.
funny humor poor play born boy
When I was born the doctor turned me upside down and said, my god twins
funny humor born doctor god twins
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I told him I want a second opinion. He said okay you're ugly too.
funny humor crazy ugly opinion psychiatrist
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blow onion rings.
funny humor time breath bad
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
funny humor breath bad found arms
Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.
funny humor man truth aspirations logic limitations
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
funny humor wit false gravity bear jest
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
funny humor sense
Any man who has had the job I've had and didn't have a sense of humor wouldn't still be here.
funny humor man sense job
Wit is the lowest form of humor.
funny humor wit form
WARNING Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
funny humor warning illness
Righteous people have no sense of humor.
funny humor people sense righteous
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
funny humor blessing
We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.
funny humor puck
I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it.
funny humor problem finding thing
The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense.
funny humor live sense saving
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