We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.
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Funny, but after trading for more than 15 years, I still am capable of forgetting a cardinal rule: The paper you own, in the end, will be intertwined with the fate of the 30 year bond.
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Talking perceptions, people. Do we really see each other for what we really are, or do we just see what we want to see, the image distorted by our own personal lenses I lost someone today and the funny thing is, I don't even know who she was.
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Rusty You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side.
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It is not funny that anything else should fall down only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh Because it is a gravely religious matter it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd for only man can be dignified.
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Funny business, a woman's career the things you drop on the way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman. It's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted.
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It's funny, to me, the way people refer to childbirth as a miraculous event. A miracle is something that defies nature. Only, childbirth has got to be the most natural thing in the world. Top three anyway. But, on the other hand, when you think about it, there's really no other word that fits. Sperm. Egg. A coincidental meshing of genetic information that will grow something that could write an opera or cook up some Napalm. It blows my mind.
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A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else in the world. She can jitter around, and stomp, and make funny noises that frazzle your nerves, yet just when you open your mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes. A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot.
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I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
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A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
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Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
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I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose.. It'll be much harder to detect.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My cousins gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit
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My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
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I remember one guy gave her a good piece of his mind. Yeah, it was right after she took a good piece of his leg.
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