Once somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said No, but I did get the license number.
car funny humor wife
My wife's not too smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. She said, all kids smell that way.
funny humor smart kids smell
I bought a perfect second car.. A tow truck.
car funny humor perfect
I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio.. I don't understand a word they're saying.
car funny humor word japanese understand radio
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
funny humor age girls fall talk asleep
Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
funny humor money walking guys cemetery
I got a book for my birthday How to make it big I had to take it back.
funny humor birthday book big
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
funny humor birthday cake fire
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guys pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
funny humor guys run job stupid made
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
funny humor night mask made
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
funny humor time real hurt window
I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. He said, I don't know, no one has ever made it.
funny humor made
I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps from moving cars.
funny humor real kids moving cars
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
funny humor real hand
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it.
funny humor real found guy
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
funny humor real guy knife
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the library the sign says shut the f.k up!
funny humor real library sign
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.
funny humor real broken lamb
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
funny humor lessons learn
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
funny humor school wife public daughters boy stupid
She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was.
funny humor june
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
funny humor prison
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a tshirt with a bulls eye on the back.
funny humor christmas son eye gun
What a mean kid too. Why he puts krazy glue in my preparation H.
funny humor preparation
I have a son in college. He's majoring in F...g up.
funny humor college son
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