Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
car funny humor mad face window head
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
funny humor people effect
I'm still trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
funny humor
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
funny humor kids hands
I went to the doctor because I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
funny humor rest sleeping doctor drinks
I went to see my doctor. Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said, I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
funny humor wrong perfect feel morning mirror doctor
I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking the owner, how big I'd get.
funny humor pet people big shop
When I was born... The doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... He still pulled through.
funny humor waiting born father doctor
Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours.
funny humor fear hate good talk things love hope breathe
Some people weave burlap into the fabric of our lives, and some weave gold thread. Both contribute to make the whole picture beautiful and unique.
funny humor people beautiful gold lives picture unique
Every time you wake up and ask yourself, What good things am I going to do today, remember that when the sun goes down at sunset, it will take a part of your life with it.
funny humor life time sunset today good remember sun things part wake
Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has ordained that you shall live.
funny humor destiny live creatures things love
I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainty that just to be alive is a grand thing.
funny humor living sorrow alive miserable certainty thing
Life is a maze in which we take the wrong turn before we have learnt to walk.
funny humor life wrong walk
There is no Gain in the world: so be it: but neither is there any Loss. There is never any failure to this infinite freshness of life, and the ancient novelty is forever renewed. We realize the world better if we imagine it, not as a Progress to Prim Perf
funny humor progress life failure novelty gain world loss ancient imagine forever infinite realize
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old n
funny humor spirit day tomorrow forget begin
Nine requisites for contented living: Health enough to make work a pleasure. Wealth enough to support your needs. Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them. Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them. Patience enough to toil until so
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I wanted only to try to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?
funny humor live true difficult
My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends It gives a lovely light!
funny humor light night lovely
We are great fools: He has spent his life in idleness. We say, I have done nothing today. Really, have you not lived? This is not only the most fundamental but the most illustrious of your occupations? Have you been able to think about and manage you
idleness funny humor life occupations age today fools great
Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating.
funny humor life smiles made
Purkey is the source of this quotation that is attributed to many others: it was made popular in the song Come From The Heart written by Susannah Clark and Richard Leigh. Purkey closed his speeches with this poem and it has now made it into the public d
funny humor heart poem song public written popular made source speeches quotation richard
What else is there to make life tolerable? We stand on the shore of an ocean, crying to the night and to emptiness. Sometimes a voice of one drowning, and in a moment the silence returns. The world seems to me quite dreadful, the unhappiness of many peopl
funny humor silence life moment voice world crying night unhappiness stand emptiness drowning ocean
Life is no brief candle for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.
funny humor life moment future burn generations
In every part and corner of our life, to lose oneself is to be a gainer; to forget oneself is to be happy.
funny humor life happy lose forget part
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