They say.. Love thy neighbor as thy self.. What am I supposed to do? Jerk him off too?
funny humor neighbor love
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.
funny humor dog call egypt
One year they wanted to make me poster boy. For birth control.
funny birth humor control boy
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
funny humor time wife
One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas.
car funny humor girlfriend day ride
Once in a restaurant I made a toast to her.. The best woman a man ever had.. The waiter joined me.
funny humor man woman made
On Halloween. The parents send their kids out looking like me. Last year. One kid tried to rip my face off! Now it's different. When I answer the door the kids hand me candy.
funny humor door parents kids face hand answer halloween candy
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
funny humor purpose time night sex wife
My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said.. Did you see the guy that did it? She said.. No, but I got the license plate.
car funny humor bright day wife guy
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
funny humor dying
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him.. If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion.. He said.. All right.. You're ugly too!
funny humor mind crazy ugly opinion psychiatrist
My only thrill is self inflicted.. Hickies.
funny humor thrill
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
funny humor mother friend
My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker.
funny humor girlfriend made clothes fat
My girlfriend was no bargain either. She used to braid her armpits.
funny humor girlfriend
My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD.
funny humor girls friends russian
My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
funny humor stealing father stupid
My dentist has bad breath... Why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
funny humor time breath bad
My dentist found a new way to cover up his bad breath.. He holds up his arms
funny humor breath bad found arms
Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!
funny humor fire guy
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips. Yet she won't drink from my glass!
funny humor glass wife dog drink kisses lips married
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning.. Put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!
funny humor day morning afraid
I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get.
funny humor pet people big
I went to see my doctor.. Doctor Vidiboomba. Yeah..I told him once.. Doctor.. Every morning when I get up and look in the mirror.I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said.I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
funny humor wrong perfect feel morning mirror doctor
I went to look for a used car. I found my wife's dress in the back seat!
car funny humor found dress
Showing 401 to 425 of 10924 results
You must log in to post a comment.
There are no comments yet.