You make a good point,' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I..''Don't?''Exactly,' he said happily.
funny humour
When you walk into a chocolate store, suddenly the most difficult decision you will ever have to make in your life, is which chocolates to pick! It is pure torture! Especially when you are in Belgium surrounded by Belgian chocolates!
funny decisions torture humour
The universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. There is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore, the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.
funny inspirational humour
Getting to a higher spiritual level is like increasing your credit score. You get a lot more points for sinning and repenting than if you have no credit history at all.
funny religious humour
Even from far away, I could see people being chased by hellhounds, burned at the stake, forced to run naked through cactus patches or listen to opera music.
funny hell humour
An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what he's working on these days. 'My thesis is on the survival of the class system in the United States.' 'Oh really, that's interesting: one didn't think there was a class system in the United States.' 'Nobody does. That's how it survives.
funny joke united-states class humour
If anyone else asked that question, O He Who Is Terrible and Great, I would have said they were an ignorant fool; in you it is a sign of the disarming simplicity which is the fount of all virtue.
funny ignorance ridiculous humour
Everywhere I go, I am asked if I think university stifles writers. My opinion is that it doesn't stifle enough of them.
funny writing literary-criticism education humour
You know you've reached a new plateau of group mediocrity when even a Canadian is alarmed by your lack of individuality.
funny mediocrity humour
An Ass put on a Lion's skin and wentAbout the foreset with much merriment, Scaring the foolish beasts by brooks and rocks, Till at last he tried to scare the Fox. But Reynard, hearing from beneath the mane That Raucous voice so petulant and vain, Remarked. O' Ass, I too would run away, But that I know your old familiar bray'. That's just the way with asses, just the way.
funny satire humour
The angel has confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become Spider-Man. [..] The children need heroes, he says. I think he just wants to swing from buildings in tight red jammies.
Doctor doctor, what do you say, lets put the id back in yid
funny jewish humour
Remember the 11th commandment. Thou shalt not take thyself to damn seriously.
The man behind the check-in counter gives the impression that he has just axe-murdered the motel's owner (and family, and family pet) and is going through these procedures of hostelry so as not to arouse suspicion.
funny murder humour
We can do this the easy way,' Oblivious snarled. 'Or the hard way.''What's the easy way?''You leave immediately.''And what's the hard way?''We make you leave.'Skulduggery's head tilted. 'What was the easy way again?
You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain.
funny trust humor reputation belief fantasy authority young-adult humour
Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.
funny man gossip humour
Idiots emit bogons, causing machinery to malfunction in their presence. System administrators absorb bogons, letting machinery work again.
funny computers it humour idiots
Just because he likes the same bizzaro crap as you doesn't mean he's your soul mate.
funny relationships humour
Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. And I did want to end up with the tea-drinking equivalent of AIDS.
funny tea humour
Alltami (n.)The ancient art of being able to balance the hot and cold shower taps.
I'm going to see if Morris has a spare spine lying around you can borrow if you're scared to speak to that high-heeled, smug-ass bitch, Peabody.
What could she have done? She was a heroine, and with that came certain obligations.
funny jane-austen humour
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
Am sorry to note that abuse and condemnation of a common acquaintance often constitutes very strong bond of union between otherwise uncongenial spirits.
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