Beppu (n.)The triumphant slamming shut of a book after reading the final page.
funny humour
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
funny inspirational macabre humour
Once, I asked my mom why stars shine. She said they werenight-lights, so the angels could find their way around in Heaven. But when I asked my dad, he started talking about gas, and somehowI put it all together and figured that the food God served causedmultiple trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
I sense a learning: that much dumber people than you end up in charge.
I have always been homosexual and it surprises me that more people are not; women's pink bits are moist and forbidding and I enjoy those qualities much more in a Victoria sponge.
women funny homosexuality humour
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Hell Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted. Harold Crick: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?Dr. Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led.. And, of course, the quality of the pancakes.
funny food fiction will stranger humour
John Brooke is acting dreadfully, and Meg likes it!
funny romance humour
If only the hat had mentioned a house for people who felt a bit queasy, that would have been the one for him.
It is illegal to yell fire in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like Flames! Or Smoke maker! Or Bad hot!
funny humour demetri-martin
She moved closer to me, put her hands to my face, and kissed me softly on the lips. God, it felt so good. So perfect, so right.. It felt so good, I nearly fell off the roof.
Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
I wish you would tell me your secret. To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.
But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism!
I love Sherlock Holmes. I've got all his books, leather-bound. What I thought was great about Sherlock Holmes was that not only was he a supersleuth, he was also a hard worker. Not only did he go out and solve the crimes, he came home and wrote it all down. Fantastic. That's why I admire him.
funny writing sherlock-holmes humour
Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
The thinner the excuse, the fatter the reason for it.
funny truths humour
I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.
funny life humour
Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class - Hope your surgery went well!
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.
funny philosophy humour
If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!
funny religion gods stupidity humour
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed.
funny sarcasm biology humour
When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed
I don't deserve a soul, yet I still have one. I know because it hurts.
funny philosophy religion soul humour
Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.
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