A few years ago it dawned on me that everybody past a certain age.. Pretty much constantly dreams of being able to escape from their lives. They don't want to be who they are any more. They want out. This list includes Thurston Howell the Third, Ann-Margret, the cat members of Rent, Václav Havel, space shuttle astronauts and Snuffleupagus. It's universal.
funny philosophy life aging humour
It comes in pints?
funny drinking pippin movie-quote humour lord-of-the-rings-movie
Come on, Rory! It isn't rocket science, it's just quantum physics!-The Doctor (Matt Smith)
funny doctor-who humour
Big flashy things have my name written all over them. Well.. Not yet, give me time and a crayon.
I have written it before and am not ashamed to write it again. Without Wodehouse I am not sure that I would be a tenth of what I am today -- whatever that may be. In my teenage years, his writings awoke me to the possibilities of language. His rhythms, tropes, tricks and mannerisms are deep within me. But more than that, he taught me something about good nature. It is enough to be benign, to be gentle, to be funny, to be kind.
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A man when he is making up to anybody can be cordial and gallant and full of little attentions and altogether charming. But when a man is really in love he can't help looking like a sheep.
funny deception lovers sheep humour
Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.
funny politics democracy criticism humour
Seduction is merely encouraging a man to do something he already wants to do.
funny humour
Because 'You're perfect just the way you are,' is what your guidance counselor says. And she's an alcoholic.
Each time I see the Upside-Down ManStanding in the water,I look at him and start to laugh, Although I shouldn't oughtter. For maybe in another worldAnother timeAnother town, Maybe HE is right side upAnd I am upside down
Dios mio, I think my brother lost his balls somewhere between here and Mexico. Or maybe Brittany has them zipped inside that fancy purse (of hers).
funny rules-of-attraction humour carlos-fuentes
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
funny inspirational humour
The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.
funny men humour
This was the tricky bit. The really tricky bit, trickiness cubed.
Said Hamlet to Ophelia,I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use?2B or not 2B?
Stop smiling. Every time you smile, an angel dies.
funny humor smiling humour
When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.
funny humor humour
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
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If I'm out of my mind, it's all right with me, thought Moses Herzog.
funny jewish humour
We need to reclaim the word 'feminism'. We need the word 'feminism' back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29% of American women would describe themselves as feminist - and only 42% of British women - I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of 'liberation for women' is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? 'Vogue' by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF THE SURVEY?
funny feminism humour
Can I request another peer guide, One who isn't so happy to be at school at 7: 30 a.m.?
Pushing magic toward the candle, I willed it to light. Nothing happened. Irys made a strangled sound and the candle burned. Are you directing your magic to the candle?Yes. Why?You just ordered me to light the candle for you, Irys said in exasperation. And did it.
funny magic fire humour
At least Kyle wasn't home. That would be a hard one to explain to his new roomate. Nobody liked a guy who kept blood in the fridge.
funny blood jace-wayland city-of-fallen-angels simon-lewis humour
If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander.
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.
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