Fever jumped aside just in time to dodge the shower of urine, and stumbled into the path of a religious procession - celebrants in robes and pointed hats whirling and clapping and chanting the name of some old-world prophet.
funny religion future harry-potter humour
He was silent for a moment, staring out the window into the rain; I imagined he was contemplating the fact that his family's presence was turning the locals into giant dogs.
funny humour
All young people worry about things, it's a natural and inevitable part of growing up, and at the age of sixteen my greatest anxiety in life was that I'd never again achieve anything as good, or pure, or noble, or true, as my O-level results.
If I wanted you to understand, I would explain it better.
.. All his faces were designed to express rage or loathing. Now that something had happened which really deserved a face, he had none to celebrate it with. As a kind of token, he made his Sex Life in Ancient Rome face.
funny anger rage faces humour
Allegra's Austen wrote about the impact of financial need on the intimate lives of women. If she'd worked in a bookstore, Allegra would have shelved Austen in the horror section.
funny austen humour
My patience has dreadful chilblains from standing so long on a monument.
funny life humour
The weather had freshened almost to coldness, for the wind was coming more easterly, from the chilly currents between Tristan and the Cape; the sloth was amazed by the change; it shunned the deck and spent its time below. Jack was in his cabin, pricking the chart with less satisfaction than he could have wished: progress, slow, serious trouble with the mainmast-- unaccountable headwinds by night-- and sipping a glass of grog; Stephen was in the mizentop, teaching Bonden to write and scanning the sea for his first albatross. The sloth sneezed, and looking up, Jack caught its gaze fixed upon him; its inverted face had an expression of anxiety and concern. 'Try a piece of this, old cock,' he said, dipping his cake in the grog and proffering the sop. 'It might put a little heart into you.' The sloth sighed, closed its eyes, but gently absorbed the piece, and sighed again. Some minutes later he felt a touch upon his knee: the sloth had silently climbed down and it was standing there, its beady eyes looking up into his face, bright with expectation. More cake, more grog: growing confidence and esteem. After this, as soon as the drum had beat the retreat, the sloth would meet him, hurrying toward the door on its uneven legs: it was given its own bowl, and it would grip it with its claws, lowering its round face into it and pursing its lips to drink (its tongue was too short to lap). Sometimes it went to sleep in this position, bowed over the emptiness. 'In this bucket,' said Stephen, walking into the cabin, 'in this small half-bucket, now, I have the population of Dublin, London, and Paris combined: these animalculae-- what is the matter with the sloth?' It was curled on Jack's knee, breathing heavily: its bowl and Jack's glass stood empty on the table. Stephen picked it up, peered into its affable bleary face, shook it, and hung it upon its rope. It seized hold with one fore and one hind foot, letting the others dangle limp, and went to sleep. Stephen looked sharply round, saw the decanter, smelt to the sloth, and cried, 'Jack, you have debauched my sloth.
funny animals drunkenness humour
Advertising - A judicious mixture of flattery and threats.
funny advertising humour
When I hear somebody talk about a horse or cow being stupid; I figure it's a sure sign that the animal has somehow outfoxed them
funny spirit communication horses humour
The word future and females is a dangerous combination.
Rose took my nose, I suppose, he repeated; the bubble of phlegm in his throat made a disgusting crackle. And it really blows.
funny humor humour
People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.
We all hold the keys to our own jail cells.
funny law humour
Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.
funny humor geography humour
It was absolutely necessary to interrupt him now.
With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.
women funny humour
People tell me I shouldn't smoke because it is makes you look like a tit. I use exactly the same argument when people tell me they go to the gym.
funny smoking humour
We could get kinky and see how bats and rats make love, he suggested in a whisper, warm breath against her neck. You are a sick man, Jacques. Very, very sick.
The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!
funny dessert humour
I don't know very much but what I do know I know better than anybody, and I don't want to argue about itMy mind is not a bed to be made and re-made.
Solomon's Laws 1. When the law doesn't work.. Work the law.
funny law humour dicta
If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract..
funny humor fantasy romance futuristic humour
Eternal nothingness is okay if you are dressed for it.
I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. It's the way I take them OFF that makes me better than you.
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