Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called.?
Jarod Kintz
Siamese twins have it great because one can jack off while the other talks dirty.
funny humor
My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon.?
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A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.
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You can tell a lot about a person's character by how they do life's menial tasks. For example, I saw my neighbor washing dishes, and I could immediately tell that he was an adulterer by the way my wife's naked body glistened through his kitchen window.
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Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy.?
funny humor silly
I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!
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If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.
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My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.
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I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.
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I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables.
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When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, Thanks for being a fan. Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.
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I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.
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I wanted to tell her I love you back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.
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From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.
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