Love is the most pleasurable pain imaginable, and I have experienced more pain-pleasure than a German twin experiencing schadenfreude at the expense of his brother.
Jarod Kintz
The silence protrudes like an engorged stomach, while I ponder the thought of trying to sit on my own lap.
funny humor thought absurd surreal
I am not the Bird of Love I once thought I was. But my silence suggests I may be the Pterodactyl of Love.
funny
If someone invited you to a flash mob, would you wear a bra?
In these modern times, the only sensible thing to be is nonsensical.
Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up.
funny humor surreal
If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?
funny humor think penis
I told my doctor my penis was as thin as a spaghetti noodle. I asked if there was anything I could do to bulk it up, and he said, Yeah, tell your girl to twirl it on a fork before she puts it in her mouth.
funny penis doctor
I want to hang from a tree the way Spanish moss hung from my father's face, like the mustache he was so embarrassed he couldn't grow.
funny mustache
Siamese twins have it great because one can jack off while the other talks dirty.
funny humor
My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon.?
funny humor spoon sun weird preparedness absurd strange odd cloud bizarre
Did you know it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile? I know, because yesterday was in a bad mood, and I guess I must have frowned too much because this morning I woke up with a torn groin muscle.
funny smile
A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.
funny humor wife absurd ridiculous
funny pain german
I want to invent a word that means to stand tall, even when you feel small and frail. That word, as I envision it, will be Buqz (pronounced Bucks). And then, with my newly created word, I can formulate a sentence that ties the record for the shortest sentence that uses all 26 letters of the alphabet. That sentence is, Flyph Wax, a starving midget jock, buqz.
funny word
I made a graph of my emotions, a chart, and when I looked it over I was amazed to notice that the day Agatha broke up with me looked identical to the stock market crash of 1929. I thought I was the Irving Fisher of love.
funny emotions
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