I just started working the graveyard shift at the cemetery. Come to think of it, every shift at the cemetery is the graveyard shift.
Jarod Kintz
I like using big words. Words like huge, gigantic, massive.
funny
I want to own something that really reflects me as a person. Something like a mirror.
funny mirror
I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob.
funny fear
The only thing I could love more than you is two of you. And I suppose three.
Love speaks to the heart like a mime to a mute.
funny humor
Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon?
reading funny humor life future living moon market
I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car.
funny humor music absurd
Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake.
funny morality ocean
I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely.
funny humor immortality surreal phoenix
I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.
funny work illogical absurd job silly
On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57.
funny humor girlfriend
I like watching people stretch in the park. It's my new favorite pastime since I bought a portable rack.
funny cemetery
Our love was covered in fur, yet I was the only one who wanted to pet it.
I want to be a matador in the bull market, but not so I can make a killing. Rather, I just want to wear flamboyant and form-fitting pants that emphasize my genitalia as I stroll down Wall Street.
funny strange
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