If girlfriends were knees, I'd love to have both of mine replaced. That way, it'd be easier to run around on them.
Jarod Kintz
Most fools drink after one another, from a thinking cup that is empty. But I only drink after people whose cups are filled with a fluid to fascination ratio of nearly 1: 1.
funny thinking drink
I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before.?
funny humor absurd
Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon.
funny humor moon
I was seen spotted with an older woman and a girl half my height in age. A leopard was also spotted.?
funny humor age woman girl height
Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for.
funny gift joy free reward
In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated.
funny humor high-school
I define myself and grow as a person through emotional torment, so if you love me, you will inflict as much pain on me as you possibly can.
funny pain torment
Love is a tomato. And while it's true that I can live without a tomato, I could sure go for some ketchup.
funny absurd
Grandpa always used to make me ride in the bed of his pickup truck, so he could keep up his conversations with the 100-pound sack of manure he kept buckled up in the passenger seat. Grandpa said all they ever talked about was grass, but I know Grandpa used to do a little flirting, too.
funny conversations flirting
funny witty girlfriends
I have studied the astrological musings of the mystics, and I can conclude one thing: of all things cosmic, bowling is the best.
funny cosmic
I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42.
funny humor real-estate
If I were a mannequin, I'd know people would only want me for my body. But that's OK, because that's how it is now.
funny lust
I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me.
funny humor listening vain absurd selfish myself silly
When I compliment you, I compliment myself, because I am who I associate with.
funny wise flattery compliment
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