Good friends are like appendages. It's painful to lose one, and crippling to lose two or more.
Jarod Kintz
What more proof do you need to illustrate how America is the land of the free than the fact that the US has the highest incarceration rate in the world?
absurd freedom
The man lying on the sofa seemed friendly. But how friendly could he really be if he was a liar?
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I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eyebrows. He accepted and was so grateful that he offered to trade mustaches with me. In remembrance of that special bonding moment, I still wear his mustache over my left nipple.?
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Friends are like orgasms: you can never have too many, but just try to watch out for the fake ones.
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When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.
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friendship
I want to be the kind of person that kind people like and want to be like.
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I have two friends, Steve and Martin. But I'd happily replace both for the friendship of Steve Martin.
funny friendship relationships
After losing my job, I felt the only options available to me were razors, cyanide, or a shot to the face, until Renaldo, being the good friend that he is, reminded me how to tie a noose.?
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The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well.
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Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries.
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I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines.
funny pacifism nonsense
I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red.
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I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping.
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Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling.
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