I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him.
Jarod Kintz
Yesterday I memorized Shakespeare, and tomorrow I'm also going to memorize his first name.
funny shakespeare
Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you.
funny absurd
I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs.
funny argument chicken
I want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible.
funny life religion true bible book lifetime write read
I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit.?
funny humor life wealth water property investment real-estate
I like wearing a blindfold while watching movies, so that I can focus on the dialogue. My favorite flicks are the silent movies.
funny movies dialogue
I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.
funny trust relationship
funny humor weird strange silly mail bizarre
I wish the masses of people would all follow my advice, because I'd throw it off a cliff.
funny advice masses cynical
I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips.
funny
I want the US government to dispense with all the red tape, and start using Caution tape.
funny government
Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too.
funny humor
I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100.
My father sacrificed his life for our family when I was growing up. He was one of the bravest, wisest, and most unselfish goats I have ever known, and I will miss his cheese dearly.
funny humor sacrifice wise brave father
In high school I tried out for the spelling team, but only because I really wanted a letter jacket.
funny high-school spelling
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