You can tell a lot about a person's character by how they do life's menial tasks. For example, I saw my neighbor washing dishes, and I could immediately tell that he was an adulterer by the way my wife's naked body glistened through his kitchen window.
Jarod Kintz
I have discovered that the easiest way to make my nose appear smaller is to wear a Speedo on my head.
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According to research from punchaguywithglasses. Com, homeless people are making as much money as most recent college graduates.
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My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents.
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Noise soup. I just made it. Taste it with your ears.
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How to duplicate yourself: hang out with the same people and say the same things all the time. The you of today is a clone of the you from yesterday.
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I am my own love story. And I want to tell my love story, from the inside. Just add water and stir.
Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy.?
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I want to put silencers on all guns. That way war will be nothing more than a whisper in the future. And all those who are caught whispering will be shot.
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Aside from fear itself, what do we have to fear? Well, perhaps anagrams of fear, like Ear F, the all-hearing being of the universe.
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I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!
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My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that.
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Love is an empty bottle, and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it
Sometimes a symbol holds more power than the thing it represents. Like the symbol for Thing, the one I created that is confusing and abstract and makes people ask, What is that thing? And I always reply, If you already knew, why did you ask?
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I hate when women give me that look. That overlook.
women funny
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